I’m baaack. Yes, it has been awhile. It’s not that I forgot
about blogging. Instead, I sat down a million times and starting writing, but
felt that it was lip service or masking over what was really on my heart. For
those of you who know me, I’m really bad at small talk. The “hi, how about that
weather” or “how ‘bout them Indians”? I have a hard time talking about things
that don’t matter when such big things that do matter are going on. I want to
know how people really are and if they’re asking me, I will tell them what’s
really going on in my life. The only time I don’t do this is when I’m not quite
ready to share the details, because I haven’t come to terms with them myself.
Then when I do come to terms with it… to find the words to express all that
happened when I do not really want to rehash the details after spending so much
time getting over them...yes, that is hard too. Now that you understand the
premise of my hiatus (hopefully a little bit), I am finally ready to share.
Just after the New Year Bryan and I discovered that we were finally expecting
(hold the applause). After our miscarriage last spring, we had been praying
fervently for the blessing of a child and we were so excited. A week later,
however, we miscarried for a 2nd time. We (especially me, because
Bryan is always so good, kind, faithful, rational and supportive during these tragic
situations) struggled with going through this all over again. The body changes,
the heart ache, the lack of understanding, trying to see God’s will in it all…you
name it…I’m sure the emotion occurred. I’m thankful to say that while I don’t
always see the bigger picture the way God sees it (obviously), I can say that I
know God is loving and His will is perfect and even though I don’t always have
an answer to the “why’s”, I don’t need to know. I know that God has our best in
mind and who am I to say to God that what He has for me is not the best? His
plans are perfect. That doesn’t mean that the path to get there won’t be
difficult at times, but it will be every bit worth it!
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have
for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not
to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things
God works for the good of those who love him, who
have been called according to his purpose.”
On the brighter side, when we went through the first one we
wanted to see a specialist so that we could be thoroughly checked out so we
could see if anything was causing it. However, they just kept saying we’re
fine, we’re young, it happens, etc. I was so aggravated by this. Well, after it
happened a 2nd time…surprise! Now they’re listening and we finally
got that referral to see a specialist. We found a FANTASTIC doctor and we are
full of hope, faith, and optimism! Naturally, I wish it was as simple and easy
as it seems to be for all the people I see posting on Facebook daily
(literally) that they’re pregnant, but God has His own plans for us and that’s
okay! I know there are crazy amounts of women who struggle with getting
pregnant and perhaps I will be able to offer hope and advice to someone else as
some women have done for me. Either way, I know God has His purpose.
One day as I was sharing these sentiments with my
sister-in-law Theresa, she said, “it’s kind of awesome though.” I said, “huh? What
do you mean?” She replied, “Your child is SO wanted and desired. How lucky they
are, because so many kids are not desired and desperately prayed for like this!”
She’s so right. To think about it like that, it is so
awesome and I’m so happy to already give that to our child.
Whew! Finally, it’s out. Now that you, my readers, all know
I hope you can forgive my hiatus. I’m thankful that I’m finally in that place
where it’s okay to talk about. I’m thankful that we’re finally in that place
where we are trying again (this time with a little medical guidance!) and that
God continues to bless us with joyful hearts. Prayers are always appreciated!
