God's plans are still perfect

I’m baaack. Yes, it has been awhile. It’s not that I forgot about blogging. Instead, I sat down a million times and starting writing, but felt that it was lip service or masking over what was really on my heart. For those of you who know me, I’m really bad at small talk. The “hi, how about that weather” or “how ‘bout them Indians”? I have a hard time talking about things that don’t matter when such big things that do matter are going on. I want to know how people really are and if they’re asking me, I will tell them what’s really going on in my life. The only time I don’t do this is when I’m not quite ready to share the details, because I haven’t come to terms with them myself. Then when I do come to terms with it… to find the words to express all that happened when I do not really want to rehash the details after spending so much time getting over them...yes, that is hard too. Now that you understand the premise of my hiatus (hopefully a little bit), I am finally ready to share. Just after the New Year Bryan and I discovered that we were finally expecting (hold the applause). After our miscarriage last spring, we had been praying fervently for the blessing of a child and we were so excited. A week later, however, we miscarried for a 2^nd time. We (especially me, because Bryan is always so good, kind, faithful, rational and supportive during these tragic situations) struggled with going through this all over again. The body changes, the heart ache, the lack of understanding, trying to see God’s will in it all…you name it…I’m sure the emotion occurred. I’m thankful to say that while I don’t always see the bigger picture the way God sees it (obviously), I can say that I know God is loving and His will is perfect and even though I don’t always have an answer to the “why’s”, I don’t need to know. I know that God has our best in mind and who am I to say to God that what He has for me is not the best? His plans are perfect. That doesn’t mean that the path to get there won’t be difficult at times, but it will be every bit worth it!

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

On the brighter side, when we went through the first one we wanted to see a specialist so that we could be thoroughly checked out so we could see if anything was causing it. However, they just kept saying we’re fine, we’re young, it happens, etc. I was so aggravated by this. Well, after it happened a 2^nd time…surprise! Now they’re listening and we finally got that referral to see a specialist. We found a FANTASTIC doctor and we are full of hope, faith, and optimism! Naturally, I wish it was as simple and easy as it seems to be for all the people I see posting on Facebook daily (literally) that they’re pregnant, but God has His own plans for us and that’s okay! I know there are crazy amounts of women who struggle with getting pregnant and perhaps I will be able to offer hope and advice to someone else as some women have done for me. Either way, I know God has His purpose. 

One day as I was sharing these sentiments with my sister-in-law Theresa, she said, “it’s kind of awesome though.” I said, “huh? What do you mean?” She replied, “Your child is SO wanted and desired. How lucky they are, because so many kids are not desired and desperately prayed for like this!” 

She’s so right. To think about it like that, it is so awesome and I’m so happy to already give that to our child.

Whew! Finally, it’s out. Now that you, my readers, all know I hope you can forgive my hiatus. I’m thankful that I’m finally in that place where it’s okay to talk about. I’m thankful that we’re finally in that place where we are trying again (this time with a little medical guidance!) and that God continues to bless us with joyful hearts. Prayers are always appreciated!

Joy is for the Choosing. Amidst the Sorrow comes Joy!

Last Sunday, we’re sitting in the church (me in the congregation and Bryan up in the light booth) and we were inspired by the message we heard. Like most churches, the messages of this month revolve around the Christmas story. Ours was no different, except it addressed a point of view that I had never really thought about in any great length. Joy is for the choosing; God uses sorrow; Amidst the sorrow comes joy.

When I think about Christmas (as many of you have already read) I think of so many joyful things that accompany the season. However, so many people don’t necessarily feel that way and while we really try to focus on the joy of the season, inevitably evil occurs and people are filled with great sorrow. What I fail to remember many times about the story of Jesus' birth is that it wasn’t necessarily all “picture perfect” either. So many forget that it includes an angel, Gabriel, coming to Mary, a woman who was devoted to God, and informing her that she would bear a son and name him Jesus.(Luke1) What must have Joseph thought and felt in that time? How must have Mary been ostracized and doubted, to be a young virgin and yet pregnant with God’s son? Surely people thought she was crazy. Nevertheless, she remained steadfast. Joseph, though it must have been a huge challenge, remained by her side after an angel appeared to him too. (Matthew 1) Mary and Joseph trusted in God’s plan and were obedient to His calling on their life. 

Hindsight is always 20/20, now we can look back and say, “Wow! How blessed were Mary and Joseph!” Think about that a second. Yes, absolutely Mary was blessed by God; however, that included bearing a child as a young girl when she had not been married. It meant having to have Joseph not believe her at first and nearly break off their engagement. It meant that they had to hide their child for a little while, because an evil King Herod had set out to murder Jesus because he felt his kingdom was being threatened (Matthew 2). It meant having to watch the son she gave birth to be crucified and shed his blood on the cross. Her blessing was certainly a blessing, but I have to imagine that it didn’t mean that she wasn’t occasionally feeling great sorrow. 

Holiday seasons bring about a multitude of expressions. Two that I see most often is joy and sorrow.  People feel these emotions for a multitude of reasons and I’m sure any one of us could go on and on explaining how justified someone is about feeling this or that. What I was reminded of recently during this great sermon is that God USES sorrow! Think about it. If we didn’t experience sorrow, would we truly understand and feel joy? Our entire world and the way we understand it is often based on dichotomies: good/bad, heaven/hell, God/Satan, black/white, up/down, excited/calm, joy/sorrow.  Couldn’t it be possible that sorrow is a part of God’s plan? Perhaps there is something to be learned through it or something to be appreciated more, or an experience that spurs growth. Either way, God REFINES through trials, tribulations, and sorrows. I know, I know…that sounds all nice and good…but the reality is, nobody wants to endure this forever. There is good news! JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!  God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28) We are His children! He made the ultimate sacrifice in His son, to give us the ultimate gift! (John3:16) He is our Almighty Father! 

The nativity story is such a great example that joy comes amidst the sorrow! Mary and Joseph surely felt these two extremes, such sorrow for the confusion that they were enduring, then joy once the angels came to explain, joy to have a son, sorrow to know he was being hunted and already persecuted, joy to have Jesus in their lives, joy for his coming, sorrow for his persecution and crucifixion and again joy for when he rose again and God’s promises were fulfilled. In the moment, I wonder if Mary and Joseph understood the bigger picture that was being painted, because while there must have been great sorrow for the evil that they endured and witnessed, the eternal and inevitable joy not only for their Son but that their heavenly Father sent HIS son to die for their (and all of mankind’s) sins so that they may have eternal life. God uses sorrow! Joy is always just around the corner even though it’s hard to see sometimes.

 Some of you might be hearing all of this and remembering a song; a song that has continued to be such an inspiration to me: “Your love never fails” by Jesus Culture. I talked about it in a blog post awhile back. Once again, it resurfaces. I haven’t heard the song in a while, but while I was learning this new perspective from last Sunday’s sermon…this song came ringing back to me as true as ever. It is in these moments when God’s Word strikes me in my core and I begin to reflect. For us, our sorrow derives from our desire to have children and grow our family. No, we have not conceived yet. Yes, it appears that we are still struggling to get pregnant. No, it is not easy. Yes, we are sad sometimes. Yes, we believe in God’s promises. Yes, we know we will be parents someday. Yes, we feel called by God to be parents. We don’t talk about it all the time, because quite frankly we think people may be sick of us talking about it or it is sometimes just too painful to talk about. It’s a reminder of how much we want this, how many prayers that have been said, how many people that are praying for us, how many times we’ve asked God “Why not yet? What do we need to do? How can we prepare? When will our time come?” Unfortunately, we don’t know when His plan will happen; however, His plans will unfold. (Jeremiah 29:11) What I do know…is we will continue to remain faithful, because while we may feel great sorrow right now (sorrow for the baby we miscarried in March, sorrow for the difficulties we have faced in getting pregnant since), we know that this too shall pass. We give it all to God. JOY COMES IN THE MORNING.

 The same is true for anyone who is feeling great sorrow for whatever reason. God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

Joy is for the choosing; God uses sorrow; Joy comes amidst the sorrow.

JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!

If you’d like to hear the sermon that I heard that made such an impact, check out this link to see a video: 

Joy is for the Choosing sermon- Pastor Chad Allen, Cuyahoga Valley Church 

In case you missed it before (or you just want to hear it again!), here is the song that continues to inspire and speak to my heart!